How do I live, how do I live without Bones?
by Zoey Seraphine Bates
Summary: Booth realizes a little to late that he can't live without Bones. Songfic for How to Deal by Frankie J.


I walked into her office to see her with another man. I quickly walked away, leaving her to her privacy, recognizing the feel of her eyes on me. I had to pick between her and my job as an FBI agent, and it was hard to honestly say which he wanted more. Either way, I will would regret the choice I make. I don't know what to do.

_Sometimes a man has to chooseAnd do something he doesn't wanna doDo I live my life with you as my wifeOr do I go on and pursue my lifetime dreamI gotta do this for meCause if I don't I'll probably regret itBut if I do I'll probably regret itHow do I cope_

Seeing her with that other man tears me up inside. And what make's it one thousand times worse is the fact that there is nothing I can do about it. I have a chance if I would just give up being her partner. But Cullen told me one more mistake and he'd fire me, and I can't lose her as a partner and lose my job. They're the two best things in my world. I won't date anybody else anymore. It just breaks my heart that I'm not with her. And nobody told me it would be this hard to not be with her. How can I live without her when she's the thing I want most in this world?_How do you cope whenThe one you love is with somebody elseAnd there's nothing you could do about itHow do you deal withThe fact that you had a chanceBut you chose to turn away for your careerI gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'It's something that I had to doBut nobody said that it would hurt so badSo how do I live...how do I deal without you_

She later tells me that when I nearly walked in, her boyfriend was purposing to her. I fake a smile, and say "Congratulations" before she pulls me into the broom closet. She kisses me on the lips and says that she loves me more than she'd ever love another man. For one minute, I think that I should give everything up for her. But then I realize that I'd have no way of taking care of Parker or myself. I'm still torn, I still don't know what to do. Eventually I can be with her. But in the meantime, what do I do? What does she do, spend her whole life waiting for me?

_It's killing me to knowThat your heart's with meBut you're with him cause I choseTo be in this industryMoney, shows, and hoes come along with luxury and painIs all you see when you think about itBut this is the life that I was givenSo I have to live it to the fullestBut how do I deal in the meantime without you_

I thought that I'd pay her a visit at her apartment, but when I knocked on the door, he answered. What do I do now that I can't deny it anymore? That I can't deny that the woman I'm in love with is with somebody else? How can I deal with the fact that she loves me but she can't love me when I won't let her be my first priority in life even when I want to? I guess I just have to deal with it._How do you deal when you can't be withthe one you love but the one you love iswith somebody elseWhat do you do when you know she don't love himbut she love me but she cant stand lovin' you farawayyou just deal with it, deal with it(I don't wanna have to live with it)you just deal with it, deal with it(no, no, no)you just deal with it, deal with it(I don't want nobody else lovin' you)you just deal with it, deal with it(I don't nobody else lovin' me)_

I'm his best man at their wedding. I didn't do or say anything to stop it. It's all going to be my fault when I grow old and die alone.

_How do you cope when_

_The one you love is with somebody else_

_And there's nothing you could do about it_

Now I'm seventy years old. I'm her neighbor. We both live in the same apartment complex in Chicago. I moved because when she told me she was moving two years ago after retiring, I couldn't stand that I'd never see her again. Her husband is still alive. He's at an assisted living facility because she could no longer care for him. On the day that her husband passed away, she came over to his apartment, let him hold her for the first time in nearly forty years, and cried a few silent years against his chest.

_How do you cope whenThe one you love is with somebody elseAnd there's nothing you could do about it…_

And now, even after all this time, he still couldn't be with the woman he loved, because now her heart was still with her deceased husband. As he was holding her, he realized that the magnificent woman in his arms would never be his, and he started bawling at just that thought.


End file.
